Day 53 of Year 16:  I received an email from a student who will be taking AP Studio next year.  He was responding to suggestions I had made on ideas he had for the concentration section of the studio portfolio.  I was blown away by his response and level of thinking on how he took my thoughts and digested them, then took off in a new, exciting direction.   He wrote that he'd seen an old, abandoned  bed post and was thinking of salvaging it and "just maybe based on the idea if modern society through the lens of the whole altarpiece type feel" he could use that idea and his love of art history (proudly, another class I taught that he was in and received a 4...) My response back was long-winded and I realized I was revealing more of myself to him (and to myself) than I had planned - but I kept going anyway.  He was also concerned about being excited with the concepts but afraid he didn't know enough technique to pull off the finished work.  My response:  I hear what you're saying as far as technique.  That will always be a fear (and should be to challenge you).  You can do this - just keep looking at art.  I have become completely addicted to looking.  While I want to do everything I see and wish I could have the time, I learned something when I was in advertising many years ago - I can't be the best at everything.  I realized I would never be the best painter, drafts person, whatever - but I knew I was really, really good at how I approached a concept and could follow it through.  That's my talent.  One of the reasons I have had such a difficult time going back to the studio is that I was trying to do what I have always done - created the still life images I have sold for years.  My fear:  am I still good enough?  Will these still sell?  My reality:  I am a different person and I don't want to do the same things I did 10 years ago.  My love of sketchbook and deconstruct has led me to experience and experiment with  materials and a "quickness" I never thought I could do.  I don't approach every piece as if it has to be in a gallery (and I can tell you many would never make it...) but what I've discovered is what YOU are suppose to discover in doing a concentration.  What you are capable of - what you truly love and are interested in.  The rest will follow.  Technique is about practice...again and again and again.  Concentration is about concept and how you THINK over and over again.

So I'm starting a full length self portrait based on a piece I saw present day but reminds me of John Singer Sargent (I always loved Madame X, I will admit...the attitude and, at the time, secretive nature of the painting and her pose).  This is WAY out of my comfort zone but I actually don't care.  My mother posed an interesting question the other day when i showed her all the self portraits I was doing (I'm working on three...).  she asked me what I was going to do with them - was I going to hang them?  Art has a purpose other than placement on a wall behind that chair...it allows you to see inside who you are and how you perceive the world.  Even if you never show the work to anyone else.  When my mom asked that question I was, at first, annoyed and then I realized she just doesn't understand.  It's the journey that is the adventure.  Not the destination.

Day 51 of Year 16:  I have been working in the studio, working on the house and as a surprise for my birthday, my daughter flew in at midnight and stayed for the weekend.  It was fabulous and she joined us at my "painting" birthday party.  If you haven't tried this, it will definitely re-energize you and it made me think about my own teatching styke for my beginner classes.  Painting with a Twist is a franchise (wish I'd thought of it!) and you go with or without friends, bring wine or food or both and just relax and paint a painting "taught" by the teatcher.  It is NOT an actual class but a way to play and have fun painting (so relaxing!).  Here is the culmination of the 2 hours...and you can't even guess which one is mine!  I can't wiat to go again!

Next time a Van Gogh!

Day 41 of Year 16:  Working in the studio almost every day and I have so many ideas of what I want to work on.  It feels so open and free - I did another sketchbook portrait using ink and fingerprints and just went with the direction.  I am finding myself realizing I will have so many things to show students when the year begins.  I also found an old AP sketchbook with so many ideas I had - I think it was from an AP seminar many years ago.  Rereading the notes I found a renewed enthusiasm and remembered many of the ideas.  I also remember being so overwhelmed with wanting to do everything and exhausted when I couldn't.  Now that I've been teaching AP Studio for 11 years I have many things in motion and am ready to start new ideas I had put on the back burner.  I'm ready!

I saw this graffiti spray painted on a bridge in Italy and it became a part of me.

Day 37 of Year 16:    What a great day!  I got another email form one of my Junior Art Historians and she wrote to say she received a score of 5 on her AP Art History exam - one of the hardest tests there is to take!  I had actually forgotten I could look up the scores myself so after sending her a congratulatory responce (in between dancing around the room myself) I wne to the College Board website and saw that of the 22 students who took the exam, 19 passed!  And of the 19 who passed, 4 received a 5, 8 received a 4, and 7 received a 3.

I have an exceptional class of great minds.

Day 35 of Year 16:  A week of not posting and I couldn't be happier.  I have found myself yearning to get to the studio and keep workin on painting - I haven't felt this in years.  I am, for the moment, free from feeling like everything I do art-wise has to be a finished piece of art.  I am working on several self portraits at once and continue prepping paper for the next one.  The portrait below wasn't right so I kept painting - even painting over areas that were "acceptable" but not correct - I used to hold on to the areas that were good - afraid I wouldn't be able to recreate them if I made a mistake.  Today I just kept painting.  I'm thinking of all the artists who were searching for seomthing when they painted.  I don't know what I'm searching for.  Maybe nothing other than the joy of painting.

Self portrait #2

Day 29 of year 16:

I'm actually longing to get back in the studio.  I haven't felt this way in years.  I do something called "nesting" when I think I need to be in the studio I spend time arranging, cleaning, thinking.  I know it's all part of the process I go through but it is also this thing called "procrastination".  I have fear.  Fear tht what I used to be able to do I no longer can - or will be good at.  I sold in galleries and had shows.  Now I have trouble attempting to create what used to be seamless for me.

I was trying to recreate.  That's impossible.  Why recreate what has been created once, and quite well (if I do say so myself).  Time to strike off in another direction - ans that's the fearful part... Which way do I go without getting lost?  Maybe I need to embrace the getting lost part and just go for it.  Isn't this what I tell my students every single day.  Now here I am at a crossroad myself.

The old me...